JY: Would you rather never experience light, or have it robbed away from you later in life?

You know, I still yearn for that window of a few years ago, when I wasn't bothered by the tiniest of lights, sounds, people, sugar or even caffeine. When I was just like all my friends, like anyone else. When the only thing stopping me from stepping out of my house was money. 

 

[A beat]. 

 

I still compare myself to the little girl who was once so brave and smart. 

 

[Smiling to herself]

 

She was always at the top of her class. Student body president. The perfect student. 

 

[JY begins to lose control of her emotions]

 

But look at me now! [scoffs] Grown to fear the world around her! HA! I can’t even take the train by myself anymore! What a joke, man.

 

[She paces across the stage, trying to collect herself, to no avail]

 

I didn’t ask for this! For any of it! For the countless trips to the doctors, countless psychiatrists, therapists, the endless pills to take. All of that. Just. So. I. Can. Survive. Never mind the fact that all my friends have left me. 

 

[In a mocking tone]

 

“I’ll always be here for you!”

“Don’t hesitate to call me!”

“I completely understand!”

BUT WHERE WERE YOU? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I LANDED IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER COUNTLESS SEIZURES? HUH? WHERE WERE YOU? When I needed you guys the most?

​

[She collapses to the ground, centre stage. A single spotlight shines on her.]

 

[Quieter, now] 

 

I know how hard it is to be a part of my life. I know how hard it is to be my friend. I do. I really do. I can’t do all the things my friends like. I can’t even stay out for more than half a day without being at risk of fainting or breaking down.

 

[On the verge of tears, refusing to let the dam break]

 

I’m trying, you know? I truly am. Trying. That is. But sometimes, our best is never enough. My best will always be someone else’s bare minimum. When will it ever be enough? I’ll never be the friend my friends need. I’ll never be the daughter my parents hoped for. I’ll never, just, be. It’s always something. A fainting spell, a tic attack, a depressive episode. 

Why, God, why? If you’re out there, why me?

 

[She sighs, throwing her arms up.]

 

Well, better me than anyone else, right? 

 

[Fade to black]